Stemming from a post in the "Big Fuck You" thread, share your experience of your worst boss.

After posting in the Big FU, I started to recollect about my worst boss and how nuts she was. Here she is:

Ms. M. was a religious nut so everything that came out of her mouth involved God and how I needed to incorporate that into my daily work life. Um...no. I don't come to work to talk God. I come to work to get paid. And she didn't practice what she preached. Hypocrite.

She had a problem with the band name Incubus. She had overheard a conversation with a co-worker and later in the day cornered me in the hall asking if I knew what the definition was of "Incubus" and how that was wrong and a band with such a name had no reason to exist or couldn't possibly have a positive message. I started bringing my death and black metal to work after that little comment.

Micro-managing was her specialty. Or at least she thought because she really tried it on me. This is just one small example. She wanted my desk situated a certain way. I came in one morning and my desk was re-arranged. WTF?! Needless to say, I changed it back.

Ms. M. also tried to set me up for failure...constantly. For example: She tasked me with contracting 50 new physicians in 2 weeks. Unheard of, but could it be done. Anyways, it was by her rules. I had to cold call people. If I got a group consisting of 10 physicians, it only counted as 1 contract., not 10. Lame. After 2 weeks, I had failed an she wrote me up. I haven't been written up at a job since high school when I worked at a movie theater. This is just one example, the list goes on.

She would constantly inquire about the conversations I had with other employees. She was trying to gather info from me to see if they were talking about her. Oh yeah, we talked about you.

She called HR on me out of the blue one morning. To this day, I'm not sure why but I think it was because I stood up to her crap and she didn't like that. She demanded that if I call HR, that I needed to share with her what was said. Nope! None of your business! And when I told her that, she almost flipped a lid. Upon calling HR, I learned that I was not the only one.

She piled so much work on me that I had to come in on the weekends to even make a slight dent. My workload was so much, with stuff that's not even my job, that even the VP caught wind and had to tell her that it was wrong to have so one person do so much and it needed to be taken off my plate.

It got so bad that I eventually was moved onto another manager who rocked the house. The company didn't want to lose me because I was highly productive with fantastic results and it'd be a pain to train someone to take my position. Before my transition, she demanded that I could not move my desk until the end of the week to be closer to my new manager. Ok weirdo, whatever floats your crazy boat.

Before leaving the company, I spoke to the VP and said I was leaving because of her and that I found a new job. The VP agreed with me, that she was a loose cannon, and I later found out that she was canned a week later. The best part of that, my VP's office was right across from her and she saw the whole conversation. Yeah asshole, it was about you.

Before I left though, I decided to print pictures of myself in cool poses with captions of my favorite quotes that she ever so hated. All my co-workers hung them up in their cubes. It was my way of saying "Hey fucker, you still have to look at my face even though I'm no longer here.! She also didn't appreciate that I named by pet fish after her.

I've been fortunate enough to have had some pretty good bosses. Though my previous one was a "religious", "conservative" nut. I put those in quotes because while SHE thought she was religious she certainly didn't practice the basics of her religion. And she was conservative in the way Sarah Palin is conservative - not truly conservative, but basically thinking that her religious ideals that she can't even live by should be foisted upon others.
The one quote of hers that really stuck with me was after a Kerry/Bush debate - she said "I like Bush because he's a real thinker." I just know that she LOVES Palin. She's basically the same person, complete with grandchildren from her high school aged children, only not attractive (if you think Palin is attractive). She also loves to eat at Hooters - the one and only time I ate there was because she wanted our department to go out to lunch together.
I'm so happy I don't work there anymore! Thank you for reminding me of how much better off I am now!

This is a tough call between the freak who claimed he had irritable bowel syndrom, was a peeping tom (and eventually was fired for this for doing it at work), wrote Star Trek fan porn fiction and didn't actually do any work and the woman who thought that talking down to everyone was the best way to treat "the little people" and also never did any actual work. I think I like the freak more, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more entertaining.

Well mine is a three headed demon, my two direct managers, but I'd have to say Mr Happy director is the one I should most be mad at. Everything rolls downhill. Here is a bit of a taste of things going in my office:

1) All permanent full and part time employees are in a union where I work and based on how long you've worked for is how many vacation weeks you get and sick days. Sick days don't roll over but I think you get something like 21 paid a year after the first year. Now there is no way you should use all those days (unless you are in a hospital and it's serious) but calling out using one once in a while should not be an issue. I mean really who goes to the doctor for a cold or stomach flu? At my office any time you use a day you can't just call in sick. You need to be directed to a manager and speak to them over the phone, who will still try to get you to come in despite you calling out. I've even had some say to me "I think you can come in!" or "You're not sick". Oh I'm sorry are you a medical doctor? No then STFU. I even had a day denied because I called from a number that wasn't my cell and the union is still fighting. If you use more 6 days of your allotted sick time they warn you, followed by trying to put you on what they call bonafide. Which basically means you can only get paid for sick days if you bring in a doctors note. That pretty much is illegal I think and is in fault of our contract yet they always find loopholes.

2) Constantly changing the rules to suit them but not really notifying the staff. Basically you're in trouble if you don't know the rules have changed. Until this past weeks draconian script enforcement, often if they change a the rule you might of missed it. Since they change them so often it might be the opposite of what they did last week. Here we have a director that does nothing but listen to the paltry staff's customer calls all day. who then sends a email to the managers who act like that lady on Clockers all day. Babysitters?

3) High call volume/ short staff. Our director really does wish he could basically service out our Phone center to India or basically pay us all minimum wage, and all be part time with no benefits. Unfortunately a union guild blocks that for now. When I started 4 years ago we had mostly full time with part timers filling in and working weekends. He basically forced out alot of good people, through harassment and buy outs and just figured he'd hire very few more part timers and double/triple our workloads. Everything is suffering and they pile more on to us (very common nowadays). Yet they want us to be all chipper trying to get our now even more pissed off customers to pay us pre paid style.

4) Tricky managers. Not really telling people who when asked if they'd like additional hours that there will be problems. I.E. the day the system will be down, or higher volumes due to a promotion etc. You then find yourself working past your normal 4 hrs with 2 other people on the phones and a queue in the 30's, with no one else coming in till your the last hour of your 8 hr shift.

I could go on but you get the picture. This is all coming from a guy who has said maybe 3 words to me in 4 years. So yeah boss from hell.

On the subject of bosses trying to get you to come in when you are calling off, here's the solution: violent diarrhea. Even if you don't have it, say you do. As soon as they sound like they're going to try to talk you into coming in, tell them you just cannot stop shitting. That it's uncontrollable, smells vile and just won't stop. Get as graphic as you can. It's worked for me 100% of the time, as it usually disgusts and horrifies people so much they just tell you to get better and rush to get off the phone with you.

Until recently, I worked at a multi-national .com for the better part of a decade. We'd have new blue flamers from MIT and related schools come in, flex their MBA and last a good six months before the corporate backstab culture washed them out. The one that sticks out the most was one we'll call PALY.

Total doucher, this guy. He wore a watch on both wrists set to different times so he was "always early". To what, I don't know, since everyone universally loathed him.

You'd catch him doing calisthenics over the course of the day. Just randomly doing squats as we worked at our (chairless) desks. (we were't allowed to have chairs. So we'd work on out laptops at a desk, standing up all day)

Sort of had this Tin TIn hair swoop.

I told him once "I get paid to report to you, not to like you".

He called me a straight shooter. Hand to god, just like office space.

So.. hum,... are you guys all on the SB Facebook group. Wich links here
Great read, though !

I've taken this to the next step and even told my boss I could bring in a sample next time if they don't believe me...

i once took a frustration sick day. i let them know i wasn't sick. but as i was spending my last 2-3 months of my contract training my replacements while simultaneously teaching the new manager how to run the joint, i'm guessing they understood. big corporate is hard place to "hold your ground" when a competitive job market combines with contractual work. companies essentially pull from a pool of past employees who already know how to do the work well, recycling them based upon mandatory breaks of 3-6 months in contract.

these breaks are designed by law to protect employees hired on a contract basis from being manipulated into accepting lesser pay/benefits. if your boss hired you for a year, at the end of that year you could just sign a new contract for another year. this allows the company to dodge a plethora of taxes, benefits, and wage increases. your status as a contract employee is static with this revolving door. So, the courts stepped in against Microsoft a few years ago and created a provision where temp/contract employees have to have a break period of 30-90 days between contracts with the same company.

aha! problem solved, not. here comes the beauty of definitions. temp worker is temp. contract worker is temporary for a term defined in the contract. VENDOR is a new term, what's that mean? a vendor company is a company that works for another company. the Vendor can hire full-timers under the Vendor company's name, while the actual employee really only works for the company that employs said Vendor. So you may work for Apple, but you really work for some asshat and his company of 40 people. but you work in Apple's building and have never seen the Vendor's premises (if they are anything more than the address on your paycheck, you do not know). who is your boss? everyone is your boss. certainly EVERY employee you ever meet at Apple is your boss according to your Vendor Boss who is invariably a wicked kiss-ass who wants to further leech more business hours from his Host corporation. Your Apple bosses are probably quite nice and professional; your Vendor bosses rarely are. however, your Apple bosses are only good to you up to their point in the bureaucracy. very rarely are they willing to tweak your situation and change your employee status as it isn't worth the fight with their superiors. your pay is taxed so highly by your vendor, and they work hard to keep their hourly rate with the Host a secret from you. i once found out i was REALLY worth $56/hr to the Host company, but was only getting paid $22/hr from the Vendor. THEY MADE MORE THAN DOUBLE THAN ME!


so here's how you too can rise in the ranks of silicon valley without a comp sci degree:
1. Meet awesome tech nerds who like you and find you a temp job. 1year
2. Convert temp job into contract. 1year
3. Convert contract job into vendor job. 1-2years
4. Convert vendor job back to contract job. The job security is worse but the conditions are better. 1year
5. Convert end of contract job into unemployment check. Make resin toys in the backyard. 6months-Forever

IMPORTANT NOTE: I did not work for Apple, they were used as an example. They do the same thing as does the rest, often using the same Contract Temp and Vendor Companies like one big incestuous manipulation of all tech not programming. though programmers go through this too, just less than video/audio professionals. i don't need to state the businesses i've worked for, but i don't feel like i'm revealing any secrets either. so if you're curious, it rhymes with Pee-mail.

this is an entertaining thread.

I was an abusive manager at another job. to me, yelling was communicating.

I love success stories like this one!

work you imps!! or fear the wreckoning of Kirkland!!

I thought he WAS the imp....oh wait...

"bring out the gimp....."

this was how I was introduced at sales meetings.

oh no..

my worst boss has to be my old Loss Prevention mgr from the now defunkt Tower Records.

i quickly rose up the grunt ranks to Lead Agent, supervising Loss Prevention Agents in the VA, DC and MD stores. shit, i even caught so many shoplifters in a 3 month period, i caught more theives than the agents in PA, NY and Boston combined.

big me up right?....RIGHT.


that wasnt only it though...id work on my DAYS OFF if there wasnt coverage, or if some dipshit called out sick. sometimes not having a day off in 2 weeks at a time. train new agents for the field, and so on and so on.

and then......

one day, i was called on my day off to ride the metro into DC for a meeting with my boss. figured, meh, prob not that big of a deal.

once i got there, i was basically ACCUSED of "knowing first hand that there were employees (that were my friends) that were stealing from one of the stores i was at, and i did nothing about it,and had stolen product myself.

he kept on over and over with ..."i know YOU know something is going on..." "c'mon Tony...go ahead and admit it, i know you know somethings going on, and thats fucked up."

i was FLOORED.



i wasnt stealing, nor had any idea wtf he was talking about.

so, i sat there and let him interrogate me and then i stood up and said i'd had enough and was going home to try to "enjoy" what little day off i had left.

then he goes....what're you gonna do now, quit?

to which i told him, no because ONLY THE GUILTY RUN.


(in hindsight, i shouldve gotten a lawyer and sued the shit out of Tower Records and my manager personally- for defamation of charc, false accusations, etc.. i couldve walked away with MAD COIN, but didnt know any better at the time)

a few weeks later...i ended up learning that the whole thing was drummed up at a funeral for someone who was a friend of another LP agent. these 2 dick dorks that were agents, didnt like me and made the whole story about me up for shits and giggles, thus ratting me out to my boss.

My worst boss was when I machined hydraulic manifolds for Bosch.
The dude looked and acted just like Biff Tannen...'nuff said.

I've been pretty fortunate through the years to have excellent managers. The people they reported to, on the other hand...

At my last job, at a small (about 60 people) software company, it was run by this dude with a real dictator complex. He had to have complete control over everything, no matter how miniscule: database field names, when and how hardware would be shipped to clients, font choices for minor passages in the documentation, etc. He couldn't trust people to make good decisions and as a result spent all day micromanaging everything.

Total friggin' snob, too. A friend of mine attended a conference with him and one night they decided to check out a local Thai restaurant. Shortly after they were seated and received their menus, the boss stood up and told him that they were going to find another restaurant, because the menu had pictures of the food on it and he didn't eat at places like that. My friend was mortified and had to come up with some excuse for the wait staff that they had a client emergency.

I have a feeling my next boss is going to be the bestest boss I ever had.

Remembered another story about that control freak president at the small-town software joint. I left the company at the beginning of 2000, when the job market was really good for technology folks. While I was finishing up my last two weeks there, he slyly sent someone ask me about where I had been looking for new jobs. Monster was one of the places I mentioned where I had some success.

Monster was relatively new back then, so he signed up to check it out. Searched the resumes, and lo and behold, there were 16 other employees besides me who were on there looking for jobs. He was furious, and wanted to fire all of them that day for the unspeakable crime of thinking about working someplace else. HR spent the better part of a day convincing him that he couldn't do this. Haw.

2000 was the beginning of the end here in Silicon Valley

I guess my worst boss would be the creative director at the previous agency I worked at. He was a total douche. Greased back long hair, style straight off the jersey shore. He wasn't an asshole to me, because he was a total pussy and probably afraid I'd kick his ass. Just a horn dog. He hired a girl straight out of college and made out with her at the summer party (he's married), would say he hired another one of the female employees because he liked her tits. Would go on and on about how he thought this or that girl was so hot and he would "bang her on the floor in front of the whole office." or "in front of his wife." He had a trip to Vegas and came back and told a bunch of us how he had met this woman and slept with her and in the morning she told him that sometimes she charged for this. And all he had was a hundred bucks but he gave it to her.
You know when you can tell a guy likes his family because he's trying to get out the door to go home and see them, this guy was the opposite. Always hanging out unnecessarily late, and you could tell he just didn't want to go home to his family.

I was the GM of the South Street Philadelphia TLA Video back in 1999/2000 and the loss prevention guys at Tower Books (two blocks from our store) and Tower Records (four blocks from our store) were our favorite... they'd always bring us books/dvds THEY swiped and try to trade them for free rentals. haha.

yea, there were a few agents that did stuff like this.

i remember one guy,....he was playing two diff girls at the same time.(which is "brilliant" ) they both ended up ratting him out to my boss. that guy was screwed. he had stolen like, half of the hip hop section.(practically)

he went down hard......THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!!

For years I worked at a indie record store/ comic store... my boss talked like the hamburglar and was always miserable. Once me and my friend went around drawing penises all over the place. He came in the next day with a brand new box of sharpies and said "Jeffrey, scribble out the penises" ! haha

I suppose he was okay actually, he coulda fired me with just cause about 50 times, but never did.

once, when stuck on a awful assignment at work with a bad hangover, i went to the office and used the "i just shit my pants, i really need to go home and change." they never questioned it or tried to guilt-trip me into staying. granted, i was probably then on out known as the pant shitter in the office circle, but i'm fine with that...