"My cousin Randy was Patrick Swayze's sister's dance partner alternate."

"YAll be fuckin wit dem phones?" ( I work in a pawn shop)

"You can't get there from here."

Because apparently the street I was looking for exists only in an alternate dimension like the twilight zone.

"You told me why don't you just shoot yourself in the head?"

Because apparently when someone who you know is having a pity party and not being serious about killing themselves (nor has ever been like that in her life) and you sarcastically say that -you are an asshole and they'll never let you live those words down. NEVER. "OMG you must have meant that for real!" I swear I need a sarcasm interpreter to follow me around all day "What Chris really meant......."

Cousin Randy

Sounds like you need new friends/family/significant other.

"My cousin Randy was in Batman Forever" is a better and more concise story.

"Are there any vacancies?"

this is someone calling me at the Super7 store...

"Adams and Eves used to live like two, three thousand years."

This one is kind of killing me... wonder which sister... I could swear one of them owns a bar in Solvang Village, CA I swear I saw this on some show on t.v... hmm

I personally know an Adam going on three thousand and two. He's a Guinness records holder for best zombie lookalike.

Haha, fun thread idea.

" I need it yesterday! " I work with contractors....

I know this one to well.

A friend of mine had somebody refer to their "curio cabinet" as a "cheerio cabinet" ........wish I was there to hear that in person. I also like improper use of cliches.

"I kind of want to see that new M Night Shyamalan movie but last time the twist was killer foliage and Marky Mark was a scientist, I don't know if I'm over that yet."

That's probably the funniest sentence I've heard in weeks! I've never liked Shyamalan at all. His movies are weak sauce. Friends have convinced me to go see Signs and the Village and I think i walked out of theater on at least Signs. I also saw Happening on cable and I wanted that 2hrs of my life back for sure. How he has a career is beyond me. I could give a 4 year a pen an paper they'd come up with better plots than that guy.

Shyhamalan is a hack. That being said, "Lady in the Water" was amazing.

I seem to remember Lady In The Water being the only one I liked much. The Village was okay too... even as a kid I seemed to know 6th Sense didn't make any. Don't get me started on him ruining Avatar: The Last Airbender, though it is a strong enough franchise, I think it will get a proper reboot sooner or later.

Lady in the Water has to be one of my favorite movies. I have absolutely no shame in admitting that.

Here's my quote...

"I think she's autistic. She likes pit bulls too much."
"Right, and the whole rescue must have autism too."

- my sister in a screaming match with my mother, when my mother says something about me... To which my sister tries to attack my character somehow. My mom's retort shut her up pretty quickly.

I donate to and attend events for a local pit bull rescue. Apparently that makes you autistic.
Remember kids, vaccines AND dogs cause autism.

Your sister is the boring one?

Ow, you poked me right in the eye with your moustache.

Overheard at a coffee shop during lunch.

"I love you so much but I just can't be in a relationship anymore where I'm the smart one, it's too scary."

"I thought it was a real monster."

Ok this needs context...


I received a box at work.
Girl: What's in the box.
Me: Kaiju. (She looks bewildered) A monster.
Girl: What's it doing? Is it sleeping?
Me: Well the box is on it's side so the monster is to so I guess you could say it is.
(She is staring at the box for a long time and I realize she isn't getting it)
Me: You do know I collect toys?
Girl: (hits me) I thought it was a real monster.


First rule about collecting is that we don't talk about collecting.

"Since they apparently forgot to poke air holes into the box I reckon it's dead."

Oh, to imagine the bewilderment if Kaiju Taro and their "HANDLE WITH CARE, DO NOT WAKE THEM UP" stickers were still around...