I'll keep an eye out for you Ed. I am constantly on the hunt for Toygraph but not this particular sculpt.

Very cool. Thanks.

Fuck the past coming back to haunt you.

I've been on edge these past few days because I've been having PTSD nightmares almost every night.
(I was bullied badly in public school, and that was while I was suffering from clinical depression. It was a bad combo, and it wasn't physical bullying. It was psychological torture, pretty much. It's been 7 years since I graduated high school and I still have vivid nightmares and night terrors about bullying and school.)

So, as you can imagine my stress levels have been pretty high.

Today my boyfriend is driving me to my night class, and I think I see my ex walking into the building.
Now, three things you need to know...

It was a bad breakup (he was mentally ill and refused help, and I was fed up with it because I was about to go to college and had my own life to worry about)
The school psychologist broke privacy laws to tell me to cut off all contact because he had brought up the idea of murder-suicide in a conversation with her
I saw him at my college before, but not for a while

I linger in the car for a little bit, and then go along my merry way to class.
While I'm walking down the hallway, I realize that this "possibly my ex" guy is in front of me. I slow down, and suddenly he starts nervously looking over his shoulder. I immediately bury my face into my phone and pretend to read an email, when I notice him halting, stepping aside into an alcove in the hall, and literally watching me pass by him from said alcove.
It was extremely creepy shit.

I was rather rattled when I arrived at my class, started drawing shoes (Drawing I class ) and I started to mull the incident over in my mind. I got progressively more and more scared, and finally pulled my professor aside and asked him if there was any way I could check to see if a student was enrolled in the school. Privacy laws, yada yada, talk to security.

Well, after class I thankfully find a female security guard (I'd say half of the male security guards at my school are a fucking joke, all they do is slack off and flirt with any girl that talks with them, and they even date students) and ask her if she can check to see if he's enrolled in any classes. Privacy laws, blah blah blah. I explain that I'm scared as hell because of what I've been told by a school psychologist in the past, and she's like "well now I'm forced by law to make a report. Give me your ID." So I say fuck it, might as well. I also make her aware of a previous incident where he stood behind me in line at the registration office a year or two ago and I could literally feel something looming over my shoulder, but didn't know it was him until I was done at the registration desk and turned around... and there he was, smiling creepily. She says the Director of Security will get back to me and if he deems it serious enough I'll be notified about whether or not he's enrolled and whatnot.

So I walk out of there pretty shaken, but when my boyfriend picks me up I'm crying because I'm frightened, which I knew was probably his goal, to mess with me... but it scared me so badly.

A few hours later my sister texts me back about the incident (I had shot off a text to her soon after it happened) and she says she'll do some investigating for me. (She prides herself in being an Internet stalker.)
Turns out he doesn't live here anymore. He lives in New York City and goes to Full Sail, according to his Facebook and LinkedIn.

That is a huge piece of evidence pointing in the direction of today's perpetrator being a very oddly-behaving lookalike.
BUT he has dropped out of high school in the past, so there's the small possibility that something went wrong, he hasn't updated his social media, and is back at the community college I go to.
Thankfully that chance is slim.

Either way, fucking hell, I have had enough of the past coming back to haunt me this week. Nightmares and ex scares. Fuck it all.

Forget campus security, they will only be around to document what happens after the fact. What are the knife laws like in your area? I remember you said you + your boyfriend have gone shooting, maybe look into getting a carry permit if it helps you sleep better.

I'd definitely start carryin' somethin'. I often take late night walks when I can't sleep and always keep a stiletto in my pocket. Phoenix laws permit you to carry basically any knife that can fit in your pocket. The only obligation you have is to inform police you've got one on your person if you're stopped.

Hello Interloper,


I'm so sorry that you have all of that happening to you, especially all at once. Do you have friends or acquaintances going to classes at the same time that you could hang with? Safety in numbers!

Thanks for the support, I was so spooked last night. I'm usually a pretty confident person when it comes to my own safety, but this just rattled the hell out of me.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love community college... There's a lot of freedom of choice when it comes to class selection and it's full of people of all ages, so I'm not completely lost among a swarm of 18 year olds who still think they can sleep through class and earn a passing grade. (Which some kids in my Psychology class unfortunately learned the hard way last week... We averaged the lowest first exam grade of any of the teacher's classes, a 63%. )
But DAMN, I have never seen more creepy people in one place. There's even one in my art class, thankfully he hasn't initiated any kind of interaction with me. Dude paces like a lion in a cage during the demonstrations, and randomly walks up to people to have a completely one-sided conversation about Dante's Inferno, Satanism, or Pandora's Box. ...not that those aren't fascinating subjects, but I don't really want to talk about those things unprovoked while I'm drawing a pair of shoes.

Unfortunately most of my friends have already graduated or transferred to a four year college. Nobody I know takes a night class on the same day as me.
On the arming front... I do have a concealed carry license, but I don't own a pistol (yet, anyway) and firearms are forbidden on campus, even unloaded in your car.
No idea about knives on campus, but CT's knife laws are confusing as hell. Honestly, I just spent maybe 30 minutes searching the laws and I can't make heads or tails of them. Certain knife types are forbidden to be carried but legal to own in the home, something about no blades over 4 inches, aaand I can't understand all the jargon. I think I just don't know enough about knives. Well... I just know that you need some kind of handle with a grip so your hand doesn't slide up the blade and you end up slicing your own hand open.

CT doesn't make it very easy to protect yourself... I guess I'm just expected to scream for help.

Sorry to hear about this. Unfortunately, we females aren't taken seriously when we report a threat . I've been in a couple of creepy situations as well, and I've also been meaning to take pistol training and get a carry license (not very easy here!). You might consider carrying a combo CS military tear gas + pepper spray + marking dye canister (go for the larger sizes for a greater spray distance). My fav company folded unfortunately (their stuff was really good, but really expensive)! The CS military tear gas is an important component to the pepper spray. In order for pepper spray to be effective, it has to come in contact with mucous membrane tissue (eyes, nose, mouth). With military tear gas, it burns on contact and when it enters the breathing openings, causes choking. Military tear gas combined with pepper spray is a more effective deterrent, since the tear gas is an irritant and the pepper spray is an inflammatory agent--each chemical acts differently to stop your attacker. Important note!!! Mace is not as effective as CS military tear gas

http://sharpersafety.blogspot.com/2013/ ... epper.html

http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/8 ... verview#a4

*Mace is not effective against persons under the influence of some drugs, alcohol, and who are psychotic!

Do not buy those tiny purse sizes! The small sprayers do not give you enough distance for safety, when dispensed. Checklist when making a selection:

-Choose a size that will give you at LEAST 10-12 ft. effective range. The greater the distance, the better. You want to immobilize the person before they can reach you. If I could practically carry a "bear-size" canister, I would (those give you a +30 ft effective range), but a 4-4.5 oz size is more practical. I carry it at all times in a holster (the sprayer has a safety cap)

-Don't get the type of sprays where you have to shake before you spray (why companies would design something like that is beyond logic! ), you want the type that is ready for dispersal at the touch of a spray

-You get what you pay for, read the product reviews to see what brand is effective

-The spray volume shouldn't be so fine/light, that on a windy day, it "backfires" and hits you! The spray stream should be fairly strong and with enough volume to carry +10 feet (an attacker at 10 feet is still too close for comfort!)

-Once you get your defense spray, test it!!! Stand in an open field, and spray it. This gives you a sense of how far it will travel, what the stream volume is like, how long it takes you to draw your sprayer out and use it (i.e. is it hard to depress the trigger?). Make sure the trigger has a safety catch of some sort, so you don't accidently spray yourself, your clothing, etc... Good sprays have a dye added, so that your attacker can be marked.
***Make sure you rinse the sprayer opening with HOT WATER, to clear the opening, so that any residue does not form to clot the opening! Test your sprayer every 6 months or more, and be aware of how much is left! Make sure you replace it diligently after the expiration date. There's nothing more dangerous than having the chemicals weaken after the expiration date, and not potent enough to stop an attacker!

-You might also consider carrying a taser

***Check your local codes to figure out what is legal.

Trust your instincts and use a buddy system whenever possible. Most campuses have night escort services, or you should be able to call the security office and have them send someone to walk you from class to your car. If you think you have to change schools, do it! It's not worth the risk. I know it's unfair, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Good luck and stay safe!

It's hilarious that CS gas is called "tear gas" at all. It more like "suddenly your face is shitting out more snot all at once than you have every produced in your whole life until that moment" gas. I had no idea civilians could buy that stuff! Well I know what my daughter is getting for her birthday.

There's a full sail in NY? I thought it was just some crummy for-profit online degree.

My roommate took a self defense class especifically designed for women and loved it. If your psyche is aggravated by this so much I would greatly recommend taking one of these courses. They teach you correct techniques and, more importantly, it will improve your confidence to feel you can fend off an attacker in multiple situations.

Regardless, do talk to police not only security, make your concerns heard. It is your right as a person and a student to feel safe in any environment.

Best of luck.

Yes, you can, but some states are very restrictive in what can be ordered and shipped through the mail. It has to be shipped by ground/surface method. Just tried to order the 4 oz. size on A....com, and found you can't do it, and even called customer service to confirm--argh! If you go to the manufacturers website, they can get the product to you, and the can do so legally, since the know which states allow these products for purchase. I could only order the 2 and 2.5 oz. sizes (the 2.5 oz size is listed under the home defense products section). Don't forget to buy a holster. My holster has a metal loop, which i attach a heavy duty metal ring with a loop of parachute cord. I put the whole assembly on a 2-connector quick-release keychain fob, and carry it with me on a keychain that is hung from my purse with a lever rock climbing carabiner, so it is accessible at all times. At night when I'm walking, it's clipped to my hip. If i need to be wary, then I hold it in one hand with the cap off saftey mode, and the car keys on the other hand. Ladies, once you are in the car, lock the doors and start your engine immediately, before you start fumbling for things. Be cautious of a lone van or car parked next to your driver's door, (especially if it's an empty parking lot) when you are walking to your car alone. One danger is that some one will come out at you when your attention is focused on opening your door. Enter from the passenger side if you have to. Avoid putting yourself in a situation if at all possible. Always be aware of you surroundings and look arund you before you walk and while walking--pay attention to motion and sound. A self defense course is good, because the also make you aware of potential hazards and strategies. Ladies remember that guys have waaay more muscle mass than you do, and the baddies have more experience. Don't take for granted that some training is any guarantee that you can stop an attacker. Do what you need to to get away, but make getting away your priority. And don't hold back on physical force--it may be your only chance, and use that to your advantage.

Thank you so much everyone for your input. Definitely going to look into more self-defense methods. Hopefully I can find some good videos on YouTube and use my boyfriend as the dummy If not I guess I can dish out the money for a class.
And hmmm, I never knew there were other options besides those dinky little purse pepper sprays that require you to get right in your attacker's face. I'll have to do some looking into my state's laws regarding personal defense tools, I know that "bear mace" is definitely illegal here. (Not sure why I know that, possibly because suburban CT folks shit bricks whenever there's a bear sighting)

Oh, and yeah, Full Sail IS an online for-profit college. Derp. Typical of my ex to take that kind of route, he barely attended high school to begin with. He would stay up playing video games until 5am and then skip school to sleep.

That was honestly one of the indicators that he was a lot more sick than I thought. I had worked with many sources to find him a psychologist that would offer their services for free, and when I finally found one he said "I don't think I'm depressed anymore. I think I'm getting better." and I'm like "You play World of Warcraft ALONE after I log off until 5am and won't go to class. That's not better, that's worse." aaaand he'd have nothing to say to that.
Learned a very important lesson from that relationship. You can't fix someone who doesn't want things fixed.

Speaking of kids/millenials at school. Please fucking learn to actually drive! Getting out of school is always a b*tch because it's two lanes and invariably some assclown decides they are going to completely stop in the left lane and then try to merge right. Without a turn signal, nothing. So here I am coming down the left lane (because oh guess what: I ANTICIPATE early on and know I need to be in the left lane to turn left at the light!). For crying out loud today I had to pull some 'Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome' moves with the car weaving in and out of slow moving or completely stopped vehicles, because no one anticpates what lane they need to be or uses a turn signal to tell me whoops "I've made a mistake and I need to be over to the right." Get a clue or wake the fuck up!

Don't get me started on turn signals either. That seems to span over many generations of people and apparently no one uses them on the road anymore. It's usually some moron who does one of those veer wide right or left to turn the opposite way almost come to a complete stop fucktards that I want to drag out of their car and send back to driving school!

I never use turn signals, they give away the element of surprise especially when merging

I wish I could say more than "I've been laughing for 2 minutes straight"

Probably explains why so many people hit your car...

It's all too much.

all three times I have been rear ended, my car was at a dead stop in traffic & the other driver was too distracted to hit the brakes.

clearly updating your socialist media status is more important than looking where you're going while operating a 1.5 ton cruise missile.

Fuck being sick
Fuck headaches
Fuck migraines
Fuck drama
Fuck everything

I got into a fight with my sister about something stupid, she hit me with a low blow because she's an asshole, I impulsively said I'd punch her because my brain is fried from having headaches all week and common sense didn't kick in... Next thing I know she's flipping a shit saying she's going to call 911 because she thinks I'm going to stab her because I own a knife.
What. The. Hell.
Well my parents are like "what on earth, are you insane, she was just mad, she didn't mean it" and I'm like "are you serious, there are like 100 knives in this house and I've never EVER even brandished one or been violent with anyone, I was just angry and blurted out that I would punch you, I didn't mean it" and my boyfriend just goes and screams "ENOUGH" (He never gets involved with these ridiculous familial fights but he just had enough of her hysterics) (AND for the record my sister has threatened my family with a knife before. I barely even am confident enough to chop vegetables.)
Well, we both leave the room and I'm sitting on the bed going "What the fuck have I done" because I should have known she's insane and makes mountains out of molehills... My boyfriend is ticked off and saying he's getting really tired of my sister shitting on me and everything I do, and is so close to moving back in with his dad.
While we're out of the fight, it rages on between my sister and my parents, with her revealing all sorts of secrets they each told her in an attempt to turn them against each other. (She even at one point was like "why are you two not mad at each other?! I just told your secrets and you aren't mad at each other? I'm trying to get you angry at each other so you're not angry at me!" I shit you not. This is what a manipulative piece of crap she is.) At some point we hear metal noises and thuds, which was apparently my sister throwing kitchenware at my dad.
More screaming, which eventually ends with my sister storming off to her room and my mom screaming that throwing things at other people warrants a 911 call, not empty threats.

After that I check on my parents, and they're both exasperated and tell me that I need to be a bit more careful about what I say around her, but not to blame myself because she's not in her right mind at all and probably enjoys the drama.
Hours later she apologizes to my parents, but not to me. That's just fine, because she said the most awful things to me during that fight, things so awful that I don't even want to repeat it here because it was so hurtful. This is just the kind of person my sister is. I already said sorry for my stupid "imma punch you" comment. She has a million things to apologize for, and frankly at this point I'm not ready to accept one. It'll be the same shit in another few months, just like always.

Well, there's my rant for the evening.

TLDR: sister's demeaning and insulting comments led to me losing my temper and saying something stupid, which snowballed out of control into a full-scale shit-slinging catastrophe. I backed out, it raged on between my sister and parents, she turned her abuse on them, ended with hollow apologies with myself not included.

Fuckery.

calling the police for family problems is a good way to get your dog shot.

I hope your sister gets the help she needs, you will probably have a better relationship with her when you don't live in the same space.

I hope things get better for you Maddie. But word to the wise, I really don't think it's such a good idea to overshare your family drama in such detail on a toy message board. This stuff is better left to close friends, family, therapist, significant other, etc. and not a message board visited by thousands of people you've never met. Not writing this b/c I'm annoyed per se, but for your sake. Sharing particulars about incidents all over the internet is probably not a good idea in case a situation escalates at home or wherever. At least that is my humble opinion.

I kind of like sharing with strangers personally, you get a wider range of feedback. I feel like it's easier to open up here than to my own friends too, because a lot of them know my sister from past interactions. I don't want them acting funny in front of her if they ever do run into each other.

If things ever do escalate at home, mark my words, I won't have a part of it. I've learned my lesson to walk the hell away from my sister, because she really showed her true colors last night. She KNOWS what she's doing, she enjoys stirring herself into a hysterical frenzy and being the center of attention, and she loves to push people's buttons and manipulate people for her own benefit.
I'm done playing into that.

She needs outside help. Plain and simple. Now that she's an adult, she's in charge of her own psychiatric care. She either has to recognize that she needs to focus on recovery, or she'll do something that will send her away involuntarily.

I burnt my fingers cooking mac and cheese today.
Fuck.
At least it was tasty... The mac and cheese, not my fingers.

It's been said before, but a big fuck you to USPS. I was expecting 5 packages this week. Most due on Thursday. I've received 2 of the 5. The others have hit delays and you don't get notified of the delay till after it is after the expected delivery date. Sitting in certain cities for 2-3 days, and not moving. So many fuck ups in one week. Thanks USPS, I hope I actually get my packages.

You're not the only one, I had a package on its way from Maryland. Was supposed to arrive Monday, arrived yesterday due to an "unexpected delay." For goodness sake, it's traveling a few states over, it shouldn't take a week in transit.
I was panicking a bit because it was actually a box of mantis egg cases. I was worried they were going to hatch and they'd all go cannibal on each other in the box. Thankfully that didn't happen, they're all unhatched. Had a fun time twistie-tieing them to bushes and trees in my yard.