What was it?

I'll start: "you should ask yourself if it REALLY has any bearing or affect on your existence?"

I don't know if it was the stupidest but it came to mind:

"when I see you, I see 'gerrard'--I don't see 'black'" .

Like I get what they were trying to say; "Content of my character" and all...but way-to-go on bringing up my ethnic heritage as a negative--like it's not something worth accepting or embracing as part of who I am. But in all fairness, at that moment all I could see was "white guy patting himself on the back for looking past his own prejudice to see what was always in front of him; a human being that looks a little different than him."

so I guess maybe that makes us both stupid--but I kept to myself. he was coming from a good place--albeit a slightly distorted one.

"Palin 2012!"

@ Vombie:

http://il.youtube.com/watch?v=-GC4ByJCbh8

"Jimi Hendrix was a nigger.
Jesus Christ and Grandma, too.
Jackson Pollock was a nigger.
Nigger, nigger, nigger, nigger,
nigger, nigger, nigger."
~ Patti Smith

NSFW: Visible nipples.

LOL--again, he tried. but really--I don't think people need to make this word "OK" or "less painful"--doesn't matter who's saying it. it's a shitty word from a shitty time. let's just let it die...like the word "golly" or whatever. It's in the passive vocabulary. we know what it is, usages, etc. but no one uses it anymore. just my opinion, but whatever. I don't lose sleep over it or anything and I've been called that before (southern VA, what can you do?). Now it's more of an annoyance than anything. It's like people that are on the less-talented sports team and just want to talk shit before they get their asses kicked in front of everybody. home game.

I know people who still use it.
And none of them are black.
You should be proud bro.

I encounter a new "Stupidest thing I have ever heard" on a regular basis.

Some guy walked up to the bar, and in all seriousness, pointed towards a brick wall and asked if that was where the loos were.

I went to a computer shop, said "Have you got a VGA to HDMI converter?"
He responded with "I have a HDMI lead"
"So that's a no, then. Thank you..."

Walking down the street some guy stops me and asks for directions:
"Which way is Stoke Newington?"
"That way," I say, pointing North.
"No it's not."
"Ummmm... yea, it is"
"What would YOU know" He says, remarking on my accent.
"Well I lived in Stokey for 5 years, but if you'd rather end up in a completely different place, carry on South."
That one pissed me off, more for his sheer stupidity of arguing with someone over directions he obviously had no clue about than anything else.

Maybe not the stupidest, but here's a recent one from a fire safety training at work.

Trainer: What is the safest way to exit a building in a fire?
Stupid coworker: STOP! DROP! AND ROLL!
Trainer: Oooh, no sorry, I was looking for the answer "Single file."

Every time I see her, I imagine her rolling down 3 flights of stairs to the exit.

Me to boss: the headlights on my truck are out I need the mechanic to look at them before I go out...They worked fine yesterday ..

Boss: No that's the way that truck is , if the e brake is on the lights go out.

Me: I don't think that's right ..

Boss: I used to use that truck and that's how it is..

Me : you can't be serious , right ?

Boss: I'm telling you that's how the truck is ..

Mechanic : looks like someone was playing with the fuse box again. All fixed ?and no this should not be like this ...

This is just one day I have tons more ! How are these people who are lacking common sense my boss ...

I hope you get a good laugh out of it at least. that's good.

"Chillax"

Ha! Reminds me of a JHS friend who saw a fire start in a shop class—huge piles of smoke in the hallway—but never pulled the fire alarm. His reasoning? “I didn’t want to get suspended.”

And that’s my contribution!

"What's a 'tibit'?" [In reference to a Free Tibet bumpersticker.]

I also received an email that contained "I apologize for my incontinence." The sender tried to recall/resend with the correct word - "incompetence" - but not before I saw the original.

Oh, this just reminded me of a person I interviewed a few years back! After the interview - which was awful, and hilarious - I found that she had what was essentially a video diary on Youtube...which was GOLD! Unfortunately it appears that someone finally talked a bit of sense into her because all of her videos are gone.
I can't remember any direct quotes other than her breaking off in mid-answer to ask my coworker "Is that your wedding ring?". And then go on to ask if it was platinum, and when told that it was white gold she said something along the lines of how stupid platinum is because no one can tell the difference between it and white gold. A few minutes & questions later she did the same thing, only this time she exclaimed "OMG, I LOVE your socks!". I'm going to have to see if we kept her coverletter/resume on file somewhere...if I find it I'll post it!

I was behind this car with a decal (I'll count that as saying it to me)
"If you could read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you"

If you slam on your brakes, I'll rear end you and you might end up dead, dumbfuck!

Not sure how to take that--but thanks?

I think we all know/knew somebody who's still living in a vacuum--and I'd like to think it probably wasn't on purpose.

well hey at least you'll get a funny story out of it.

there are lots but I'll start with this:

"Why is it so cold in the ice rink?"

^

One of the many that I can think of right now was about a car accident. 6 years ago or so, I was the first person stopped at a light in Chicago, and I had my blinker light on to make a left turn. The light I was at there was no turn light, so I obviously had to wait for the oncoming traffic to clear for me to turn when the light changed... Anywho, the light turned green, I pulled up a little and stopped to wait for a moment when I can turn. Then, this idiot of a person (on a cell phone of course) accelerated straight into me.
When I got out of my car to deal with what just happened, she said:
"You turned, I just saw you turn left."

All I could think of was How the fuck did you see me turn left when I'm still standing here and you rear ended me, you idiot. Yeah, I turned left and then backed up again just in time for you to crash your car into me... Riiiiight.... ... Idiot. My neck is still messed up from that day

you shouldve told her...yea, but i can fold space like in Dune, so i changed my mind.

sorry to hear your still feeling the affects of the accident.

Hehe, that would have been good. And the funny thing is, she kept trying to use that as her argument..?

But yeah, thanks for the kind words. When I finally get insurance again I'll go to a chiropractor to fix whatever's messed up in there.. At this point, I don't really notice it that much anymore.. Still hurts from time to time, but I'm used to it ...

another from the rink:
girl 1 - "Does it hurt when you fall (on the ice)?"

I've heard so many dumb things said to me over the years but I can't remember half of them. People often call me at work asking to stop their 'prescription' instead of 'subscription', usually old folks, to which I reply "Can't stop your meds call your pharmacist!"

For anyone who has ever worked retail:

"Hey, are you open?"

Nope, we like it so much here that we stay around 24/7, in uniform, with lighted OPEN signs...
and the fact that you could actually get in because the doors weren't locked...
and when you opened that door (which was marked PUSH, genius) there was a sign with our business hours on it.

that retail one reminds me of my days doing retail call center management.

I got a "let me talk to your supervisor" call transferred to me from my staff, and on the other end its this momzilla upset that an order didnt arrive in time.

She says "I hope you're happy, because this order didn't show up, YOU HAVE RUINED MY MOTHERS FUNERAL! Now instead of going to the wake, I have to take my kids shopping for funeral clothes all day and they won't get to say goodbye to their grandmother!"

I apologized. I'm starting to feel awful (Even though we did nothing wrong) , and just as I'm trying to figure out a way to help the situation by expediting the shipment to her, I ask for her information and pull up the order.

Its for a fucking pair of black lace "Madonna" style gloves, and 1 pair of novelty underwear reading "Hail Mary"

What?! Is that what your kids were planning to wear to their grandmother's funeral? GET OFF MY PHONE. What a c*ntface!