So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...

Discussion in 'Whatever' started by Lixx, Aug 18, 2017.

  1. Lixx

    Lixx Mr. Grumpy™

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    You know as if this past year could not have been more of a shit show ride for me and a severe fall from the absolute high of finally graduating college in May 2016, thinking my life was finally going to change for the better and getting a nicely paid seasonal summer environmental job to get all important work experience. Then it all went to shit. Someone actually said to me online yesterday: "Did you take a shit on an ancient indian burial ground or something? I cannot believe your bad luck!" Right about when that job was ending, my 10 year relationship ended (and all the insane drama that went with that), I had to pack up half a house by myself and move to another state and live out of a room with most of my stuff in storage, the utter futility of trying to find a entry level environmental job (no one will hire me), the weird little health issues like infections that would not heal- and then me to begin to question my own sanity here in isolation. It's been rough. Seems like the only person that wants to talk to me is a married ex with kids from 20 years ago. I apply to jobs, I pay to get certifications to help make me more employable, I take civil service exams, I started eating better, I try to be active-exercised/ did weights for awhile but that's stopped since the lymph node thing.

    Now the culmination of what appeared like enlarged lymph nodes in May has come full circle. My primary didn't know what it was- said I was in good shape but maybe it was an abscess that I had the year before that came back. I got a ultrasound, endured 3 male mamograms (I totally feel for women on enduring these now!), ct scan- by then the doctors knew it was not an abscess- went on to fine needle biopsy, and finally last Friday a full lymph node biopsy where I was put under for surgery and cut into. My surgeon, who I have good repoire with and doesn't pull punches gave it to me straight over the phone on Wednesday: "You tested positive for Hodgkin's Lymphoma"

    I went through the full gauntlet of emotions, sobbing, anger, denial. I mean I honestly do not know how I got a supposedly rare disease. I kept thinking fuck I've never had Epstein Barr, no one in my family has ever had cancer that I know of, I've been super stressed- was it because I worked in the surrounding geological area of a nuclear waste facility last summer? I mean that waste is contained like Fort Knox and I was never anywhere near it. Is it these damn toys? Was it Buffalo (high cancer rates)? My mind raced. I mean in one way I was relieved I finally had a fucking diagnosis, but fucking cancer? Me? I've never even had a pulled muscle or broken bone. Doc said she believes it's localized to just my left armpit, because she checked all my lymph node areas and there is no other swelling anywhere. I caught this swelling in May (thank fuck I where tank tops when it gets hot so I saw it right away) and it's taken 3 months to get a diagnosis. As someone who is completely unaware of how the health field works (never been sick) I guess that's good? I mean everything kept coming back negative because my doctor said the fine needle biopsy just showed fatty tissue and no sign of cancer but she did the lymph node exclision because she needed lymph node tissue to send to pathology. She said it was weird looking in my arm because the 3 lumps were actually fatty tissue surrounding the lymph nodes. She said the one she took was the size of a blueberry so I guess that is also good they are not too big yet. I went through a phase last night and today thinking pathology got it wrong somehow because the only other signs I have are fatigue and my legs itch from time to time.

    So I go to a hematologist on Tuesday for I guess a treatment plan? I've done nothing but read on Hodgkins for days and while no cancer is good at all my surgeon said it's highly treatable and I'm 100% sure you will make a full recovery. I really hope I get a PET Scan, I really want to know how much cancer is in me and where exactly it is. In fact I'm getting a little peeved I have not been given anything like a pathology report. Something! Anything.

    My major concerns are really treatment. I don't want to be a Harkonian from Dune and get a port but I don't want my veins on fire either, the chemo drugs are highly toxic, radiation therapy- even localized can't be good right? I'm already bald so not worried about my hair but I'd look like a freak with no eyebrows lol, I'm active, I like exercising, love being outdoors, I just don't want to get wiped out by chemo and lose some heart function, develop secondary cancers from treatment, kill my immune system completely, just turn into a fragile old man. I'll be 49 in October but I've taken decent care of myself, that would suck if I aged like 10 years in 6 months. The cure is more frightening than the disease it seems.

    So I'll know more Tuesday, hopefully I'll get set up for a PET Scan and the staging of the cancer. I mean this diagnosis sucks ass BUT my sister said it best: "At least you're here with family and not stuck alone in Buffalo!" She's absolutely right- I would have lost my mind by now if I was still up there and got this news.

    I can tell you this much, no fucking mutant cells are going to take me out after all I've been through!
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2017
  2. meanmistert

    meanmistert Line of Credit

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    I can be a man of many words, but I only have a few for now.
    Be strong and stay positive; never let this or any other situation get the best of you.
    Utilize your support system: family, friends, healthcare professionals, toys, ... anything that helps YOU in this journey.
    Sending positive thoughts your way.
     
  3. maxaltoman

    maxaltoman Side Dealer

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Stay strong mate.
     
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  4. Biff

    Biff S7 Royalty

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Damn right! You will beat this!! We are here for you, my man.
     
  5. super77m

    super77m Comment King

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Great that you are able to post this, and let us know. Everyone here, friends, family, support you.
    All the positive energy flowing you way.
     
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  6. ultrakaiju

    ultrakaiju Die-Cast Staff Member

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    I am really sorry to hear about your diagnosis, Chris, there definitely has been some rough patches. Unfortunately, we can't control life, and just have to take it as it comes. Having a positive attitude up front is a good part of that. But - as I am sure you have been reading these last few days - Hodgkin's lymphoma is indeed very treatable, with a [relatively] very good success rate [in comparison to some other forms of cancer]. I am not saying it will be easy or pleasant, but you can focus on the positive and just stick with it. I really wish you all the very best, and strongly echo what others like Terrell have already said, don't be afraid to get support from the people who offer it. Friends, family, random internet weirdos, it all makes an absolute difference. You're not alone, and should never feel that way. You'll beat this thing Bud and Terrence style with both fists, Chris. We are all pulling for you.
     
  7. hellointerloper

    hellointerloper Side Dealer

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    I am so sorry to read this news, especially after all of the shit you've been through. I think just about anyone who haunts the "FUCK YOU" thread has sympathized with all the crap life has thrown at you, but damn, this takes the cake.
    I know cancer is fucking scary, but having a diagnosis is the best thing right now. You have an answer and there's only possible solutions up ahead. From what you're saying, it sounds like you caught it fairly early, which is great news as far as any cancer diagnosis can go. Thank goodness it was in a noticeable area. Also, you have the strength to kick its ass, and you have the support of your family and friends with you.
    You have every right to be scared and upset, but just know for sure that you aren't alone in this. Any time you need to vent, we are all ears. But also keep us posted... we are rooting for ya.
     
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  8. xSuicide Squadx

    xSuicide Squadx S7 Royalty

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Goddamn, Chris, that is a lot for one man to endure. I am appreciative and thankful you were able to share such a personal situation with us all here, being some are much more closer to you than others.

    My Tio had colon cancer, and was given six months to live. He fought that shit for four *years* and lived a lot of life within the time he allotted himself. Given the statistical information on your recovery rate, it's comforting to feel your confidence in beating this. We're all here to support and cheer you on, dude.
     
  9. The Moog

    The Moog Die-Cast

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Phew, I wouldn't be comfortable sharing the amount of personal info you do me old mucker (but then, I'm a repressed Brit with sharing issues).

    Fuck that cancer, you will beat it. You are certainly going through some heavy shit, good luck to you sir.
     
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  10. bunnyboy

    bunnyboy Side Dealer

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Fuck cancer in its drippy pee-pee hole and beat it with a rusty shovel. All the best, man!
     
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  11. foto junkaay

    foto junkaay Addicted

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    I'm so sorry Chris, but you can beat this! <3
     
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  12. Lixx

    Lixx Mr. Grumpy™

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Thanks guys (and gals) for all the well wishes. I know I can be a bit of a pill at times, but you guys are like an online family to me- so I have no apprehensions about sharing (fortunate or unfortunate events). Might be a bit of a rough ride but I'll get through this.
     
  13. booschwobe

    booschwobe Addicted

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Hang in there, Chris. Sending positive thoughts your way.
     
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  14. GERMS

    GERMS Line of Credit

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    My thoughts are with you man. You can fix this.
     
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  15. MisterYuck

    MisterYuck Comment King

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    If my girlfriend's mother can survive having West Nile and Meningitis at the same time after being bit by a mosquito in her yard in Massachusetts, anything is possible man. Stay positive.
     
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  16. Headhunter

    Headhunter Line of Credit

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    It will get better for you just hang in there and fight that shit!
     
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  17. Lixx

    Lixx Mr. Grumpy™

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Too many things in life left to do to call it a day.....travel, relationships with people, things I enjoy like music and photography, yeah I guess you can throw some toys yet to be made or found in there as well lol :D
     
  18. Lalo

    Lalo Mini Boss

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    fuck cancer. stay strong and positive and you'll get past this.
     
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  19. Herr Graves

    Herr Graves Fresh Meat

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    All I can say is that my thoughts will be with you and yours. Stay strong.
     
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  20. itsa_mia

    itsa_mia Toy Prince

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    you can beat this!
    best wishes :thumbsup:
     
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  21. rattanicus

    rattanicus S7 Royalty

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Wishing you all the best for a strong recovery amigo!
    My best friend just fought and won a battle with breast cancer this past year. Her strength inspires!
    Positivity is key and can work magic***
     
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  22. quentor

    quentor Addicted

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Stay strong man, just take it day by day. We are all here for you!
     
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  23. hellscrape

    hellscrape Comment King

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Fuck cancer! Sorry to hear this, man. But I will be rooting for you to beat it!
     
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  24. Mr. Humphreys

    Mr. Humphreys S7 Royalty

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Sending positive thoughts your way. We're here and support you. If it gets overwhelming, don't let your mind run away with you, and try to take it one day at a time. Family support is the best.
    p.s. Try to keep to a daily routine, as much as possible. Exercise is important. Go out and enjoy simple things, to slow yourself down, if it gets too stressful.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2017
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  25. Lixx

    Lixx Mr. Grumpy™

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    Thanks everyone!

    What's weird is trying not to fall down the rabbit hole of psychosomatic symptoms. Like for instance since the diagnosis I'm having really serious fatigue which is a symptom BUT my body could just be saying "Look I need a break from stress, time to shut down!", or I'm just not getting proper sleep because I'm up worrying about this and I just had surgery on my arm so it's uncomfortable still. Also have no appetite, and been forcing myself to eat when I'm not hungry because I want to bulk up in prep for chemo- which again could be a symptom but then again it could just be that I'm not hungry or stressed. It's really easy to go there and think everything going on is related to the illness, which I'm trying NOT to do but it is hard.

    I think my mind will be better after the diagnosis etc stuff on Tuesday. Because right now all I have is Hodgkins and we will treat it but no details about how serious or what that entails.
     
  26. Mr. Humphreys

    Mr. Humphreys S7 Royalty

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    So yeah I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
    The unknown is always the scariest! I will remember you in my prayers. Go out for hikes or ride your bike, the exercise will keep you strong and help your appetite and sleeping. Add in weights to build your muscle bulk, in prep for the treatment. Keep us posted on the news!
     
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