^^ ... Wowwww.... Ummm... yeah... Wow.
"What a c*ntface!" is right.

That's pretty awesome, missy. Retail just brings some of the dumbest things ever.

more ice related stuff:
customer: "Can you sharpen my skates...but don't make them too sharp."

In my head: So....you want me to sharpen your skates then fuck them up because you can't skate.

My reply: "I can only sharpen them one way...and that's sharp or not at all."
customer: "ummm...okay. Just don't make them too sharp. I can't stop when they're too sharp."

In my head: Wow really? Did you just not hear what I just said? Maybe you should just learn to skate.

This is one of the most common request I've gotten and really one of the dumbest ever. So common that there were a couple of times where the customer would leave and after I look at the skate and see that it really doesn't need to be sharpened, I would just put them in the cubby and not work on them. The customer would come back, pick up the skates, and the next time I see them they tell me what a good job I did.

now that's a funeral too funny (stupid)

This one is kind of awesome/gross all at once I work in GYN healthcare and a woman (IN HER 40s) called yesterday and referred to her vagina as her "kitty cat"

"I need to come in, I'm having a problem with my kitty cat"

when I heard that one I just about choked. Who calls their doctor for an exam on their "Kitty Cat" ?!

I almost referred her to a vet.

^ That's how you say "jerk" in Philly speak.


Speaking of car accidents. Screaming at a white cop in Spanish is not the best way to avoid a citation. It is also beneficial to hang up your cell phone when the Officer tries to address you and hear your side of the story. Also telling the insurance agent on your cell phone about how you are not at fault will not trump the citation the Officer is currently writing you while you disregard his commands to hang up said cell phone. Lowell, Mass. circa 2004

when I worked for an airline call center as a supervisor I heard just about everything you could think of.

One woman was transferred to me and berated me for 10 minutes, swearing and using words I had actually never heard before. I put her on mute, talked to my coworker until she stopped yelling about 10 minutes later and it went something like this

Woman : Hello? Hello? Are you still there?

Me: Yes.

Woman : Well nobody wants to help me, what are you doing?

Me : Listening to you.

Woman : Well I've had to yell at 5 of your employees already, can't someone change my seat assignment from a window to a middle seat please?


Another call just made me chuckle. When asked if she wanted an aisle or window seat, the woman on the phone replied with

"Oh honey, an aisle. I'm getting my hair done that day and I don't want to get it messed up"

I just thought of another one. When we announced new service to Fort Lauderdale from an airport in Long Island, we had $19 fares each way. $19.

One guy told me we were ripping him off. This is the one time I actually broke my nice guy demeanor and said " I want you to call Greyhound and ask them how much they would charge you for a bus ride from NY to Florida and then call me back and tell me we're ripping you off for charging $38 for a 2 hour flight. Enjoy the two days on that bus."

This is a paraphrase: "The reason Tyrannosaurus Rex has such small arms is to stimulate the nipples of the other T-Rex when making sweet, scaly, violent dinosaur sex."

I had a friend who seriously proposed this theory. He was on hallucinogens of course, but he was serious about it. The Dinosaurs weren't mammals theory didn't hold water with him. "They say they were bird-like and the platypus lays eggs and has a bill but breastfeeds its young hatchlings. They could have had nipples. The fossil records don't show skin."

"ouch" in response to opening my shops door halfway and then walking into it, this happens daily, does that count? other than my favorite of "do you sell product X" when product X is on every fucking wall and rack in your store and in many instances is in the name

I was just done interviewing some guy when I got a call back from him,
making excuses because he could not come down to said interview.
When I told him that in fact, we had just met, he said the most stupid thing ever ;

Was I blond ?

Turns out his black haired cousin came in his place, impersonating him because he didn’t wanna come over, but they forgot to adjust the plan ...

Walk into Wal-Mart....


Some guy: I like your ink man, thems real nice.
Me: Thanks?
Some guy: Did thems on your neck hurt?
Me: Yup.
Some guy: You do tatz?
Me:Yup.
Some guy: You think you could tattoo a big tree on my back, with the branches spelling out my family members names in glow in the dark ink, with my kids portraits around it some how?


....I now shop at Target.

f#(!* yeah Ed!!


Get Em'!!!!!

Wow... Crazy peoples... What type of interview was it? (For a job, article, etc?) If it was for a job, what would happen if you guys decided to hire him.. He would have one hard time trying to explain why he was a different person at the interview.. lol

Irish girl at work:
St. Paddy's is on the 14th of March? or is it the 15th?

Me:
...

Being a parent of twins you get lot of questions but the best one that I loved, and interesting that more then one person asked...

Person: Do you have children?
Me: Yes....Twins
Person: Really...Are they boys or girls?
Me: I have a boy and a girl
Person: Are they identical?

My typical answer to them was "No, they are fraternal" to not make the conversation turn awkward.

I always wanted to say "Yes, they are identical except my son was born with a penis"

Preaching to choir here fella! . . .

Haha ! I got this a couple of time about my boys :
; Are they identical
Me ; Yes
; No they’re not, … but I can’t tell them appart

+ They are like catnip to chinese people.

Working in a tattoo shop as a piercer for 10 years I have tons of stupid shit.

Female client walks in and ask me if it hurts to gave your clit hood pierced to which I reply, last time I had mine done I didn't feel a thing, she looks at me and says cool and then it dawns on her that I am a man and have no clue.

And my all time favorite "How long does it take for my tattoo to dry".

This wasn't said to me but over heard...
I was having ramen in a one of SF's Chinese areas when I heard one guy talking to his friend (both were having ramen)...

"...and the bbq pork isn't even red..."
I was ready to turn to them and say "Hey, your eating ramen and not dumpling soup with chashu. If you want red bbq pork, here's a dollar. Go across the street and get some, and leave me to enjoy my ramen you ignorant s.o.b."...and then slap him upside the head for making such a stupid remark.

you have twins too Andy?!

(those poor kids..lol)

I work at one of the biggest newsstands in LA we have over 2,000 different titles. It's the black hole of stupid questions.

customer: How much are your magazines?
me: ????????

customer on phone: Do you have the magazine with ------------------------- (fill in the blank) in it?
me: ????????

customer: What are your hours?
me: We're open 24 hours.
customer: So you never close?
me: ?????????

customer: My daughter ask me to pick up a magazine with an article in for her.
me: What was the article about?
customer: I'm not sure.
me: What kind of magazine is it?
customer: It could be fashion, or sports, or maybe music something like that.
me: ?????????

customer: Why are the dates on your magazines all different?
me: ?????????

Yeah . . . and I think they're both mine!

This thread is awesome I have to contribute!
I work in an Armory on an Airforce Base and I get alot of dumb questions but one of my favorite questions by far is..

"Do you guys have alot of big weapons in there?"...
...Some peoples kids...

I worked IT support for a university. For the sake of my sanity, I've blocked those two years from my memory.

the best I ever heard came from an emergency room doctor where my wife used to work. He was doing an exam on a 20 year old female..

Doctor: Are you active sexually?
Patient: No, I just lay there.