(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡 ┻━┻

Damn Maddie, I feel you on all kinds of level. Chin up though cause karma and life have a funny way of working things out.

 

Thanks, I'm really hoping having my sister out of the picture will help. It's been years of fights/mending/fights/mending rinse and repeat in terms of our relationship because she's together with a sociopathic boyfriend. I guess sociopathy rubs off on people, because she's become an awful person.
Just counting down the days...

 

@hellointerloper
I appreciate you sharing the stuff you're dealing with. I live with some pretty weird/less than ideal life circumstances that most people wouldn't even get (and which would take attention I don't have right now to fully explain). At least you do have some possible sources of improvement on the horizon (I actually don't, which may why I've become a little more "accepting" of my lot in life). Hang in there.

 

Thanks, and I'm sorry about your situation. A lot of people don't realize how easy they have it, and the ones that have it tough only hear what people want to share... which is usually only the good parts of life. At least that's how I see it. I know a lot of people personally with shitty lives, but they make their life seem fuckin' dandy on Facebook.
I can't be one of those people. If my life sucks, I say it. If anyone says I'm a Negative Nancy, then fuck them. Life isn't all unicorns and cupcakes, and I need to vent once in a while.

 

So true. I think that's what's referred to in fiction as the "unreliable narrator". I usually try not to shy away from sharing my plight with online communities if it comes up, even though I know it can make things temporarily uncomfortable for people who are oblivious to that kind of stuff. I'll dish more in detail here if I ever feel compelled to.

 

*@&^$*^(*&@ you *&^^^$& 238&%!%$$ COMCAST, YOU ROTTEN %(*(!&%^#&$%@ USELESS PILE OF "CABLE" GARBAGE! I try and take my laptop into the craft room with me, which is maybe 100 yards from the router and it just won't connect to anything. I hate you Comcast, you useless egg-sucking moron. I just want to watch my MLB network. D:<

 

Get a wifi extender from Costco, they're way stronger than the router itself. We had the same issue, 50mbps on the modem, 2mbps in the basement. Set up the extender half way between and now we get around 45mbps in the entire house AND we have wifi outside on the deck AND in our driveway AND in our front and back yard.

 

see that's what an intelligent being would do... We should really look into one of those.

 

I think ours was $40? Something pretty cheap, but works amazingly.

 

A big fuck you to my wife's friend for ditching us with their untrained, aggressive St. Bernard for the weekend. It attacked our Husky last night and now my dog has a giant gash under his eye and on the side of his head... Now I get to spend my afternoon off at the vet because of a hole in my dog's face.

I fucking told my wife not to say yes to watching that stupid dog. This chick had this trip planned for months and literally asked us the night before to watch the dog.. Grrrrr..

In addition, this chick had her little boy over our place last week and he broke one of my toys after me telling him over and over to not touch anything. I even gave him a blind box toy to open, play with and keep so he'd keep his paws out of my displays.

I told my wife that they are banned from our house until the toy and vet bill are paid for. She actually agreed with me..

 

100 yards away?! Do you live in a castle?

If you walked 100 yards away from my router, you would be halfway down the block..

 

^^^ I don't watch football. Yards, feet....same thing.

 

Lol!

I see that you're in NH, you could live in a giant mansion, compound, castle or farm. That's why I had to inquire.. I was totally picturing a farm with multiple houses on it, one of them being a craft room..

 

Oh yes, I have 7,000 acres of land at my disposal. All of which is worked by my faithful serfs and peasants Who in turn go into battle for me when those pesky Northmen attempt to raid my villages.

 

Fuck falling down a steep cliff and slicing your wrist on gravel sized rocks, and then fuck climbing out of a ravene and sticking your hand (unbeknownst to you) into a yellow jacket nest getting stung 3 times (and on the same sliced wrist hand). Med kit? Oh we left that at site two in the tent. Walks up creek bleeding and swollen. That kind of day....

 

^ Damn! Another day in the office?
F*ck having to go in for hernia surgery a year after the last one because my surgeon was a desensitized, jaded, sloppy & bored doctor. Or was it my fault? I'll never know.

 

Was a rough one but yeah. I'm all for hiking down gullies, cliffs, and ravenes to get to the stream/creek banks we need but i'm working with some gung ho people who just dont plan the route and just start descending without even thinking. Not safe, and furthermore what if you can get in but can't get out? No one is thinking just doing.

That sucks same thing happened to my g/f on a back fusion- now she's in constant pain.

 

Sounds like he's stuck in a Looney Tunes cartoon, actually

@noeleaser and @MisterYuck for new comedy double act! They can only talk about castles and farms and shit, though.

 

Holy crap, I am so sorry, all of you.

@noeleaser
Your wife's friend sounds like (pardon my language and bluntness) a really fucking shitty crotchspawn parent and hellhound parent. Why have a 100lb+ dog if you can't control and train it? Why have a kid if you're going to let it terrorize everything it comes into contact with? I hope you don't get saddled with a $1500 vet bill like I was recently, I'm still trying to pay that off. And I really REALLY hope that little shit of a child didn't break a nice toy. Hoping for a speedy recovery to your Husky, I love Huskies... They're so doofy and adorable.

@Lixx
Holy... Hope that heals up. I hate yellow jackets. I hate wasps. I hate anything stingy except for bumblebees because they're so stupidly docile that I play with them and freak out bystanders for shits and giggles. But seriously, feel better.

@rattanicus
Ouch, I'm so sorry. Hoping for a speedy recovery and I sure do hope it wasn't the doctors that bungled it, though I guess in that case you COULD sue for cost of surgery and have it all paid for in full.
Also, STORYTIME!!!
My sister had a hernia and after the surgery nobody told her that she can no longer do certain things, like squats. Well, her scumball boyfriend complains that her ass isn't big enough, and that he likes Kim Kardashian's ass, (I really wish I was kidding) so she starts doing rigorous squats. Next thing she knows, her surgery site is hurting terribly and she goes back to the doctor. He's like "WTF! YOU CAN'T DO SQUATS!" and she of course says "but it's been 2 years!" Nope, never ever can she do squats like that. Too bad, so sad, no Kim Kardashian Photoshop ass.

And finally, fuck me for being a useless pile of anxiety. My sister is home again, so I went to sleep with anxiety. I wake up from a nightmare about high school that was induced by the stress. (I have a mild case of PTSD ((and I say mild because at least it's a somewhat "invisible" PTSD since it's not like people can see my nightmares)) and stress triggers the school nightmares, without fail. I graduated in fucking 2009, for reference.) I'm lying in bed thinking "damn that nightmare sucked" when I hear raised voices upstairs. My sister (who is fucking 21 years old) can't find her driver's license for the millionth time this year, and is in a tense shouting match with my mom about it. Anxiety goes up a little more. I decide to walk the dog. Anxiety stays the same because I can hear angry voices from OUTSIDE.
I'm hungry so I go upstairs once the voices subside and start pouring myself some cereal.
My mom walks in and starts bombarding me with nagging. (She has anxiety too, so I know my sister riled her up and unlike me, who likes to hide when anxious, she likes to release her frustration on other people)
I proceed to get yelled at for:

• Bringing a piece of grass inside via the bottom of a shoe
• Not putting a bowl in the dishwasher (because it had Mac and cheese and needed to soak first, but that didn't apparently matter)
• Not squishing the juice carton enough before putting it into the recycling bag
• Not bringing the recycling bag downstairs even though I can't because there's five fucking wine bottles in there and I have a bum left wrist with mild tendonitis AND I injured my right shoulder muscle that connects to my neck somehow this weekend
• Not making my boyfriend eat the Cheerios my mom bought for him even though he's now on a special high-cal high-protein diet and Cheerios are off the menu
• Not nagging my boyfriend into following a morning dog-care schedule
• Not figuring out a plan of what to do with the remaining aquatic plants
• Living, breathing, existing

Anxiety reaching melting point.
So I finished eating, picked up the piece of grass and threw it away, put my bowl and glass in the dishwasher, pop a sedative, climb into bed, pass out.
I didn't accomplish anything today because I can't fucking handle the fucking fighting and yelling and failings of everything I do.
...but then my saint of a boyfriend came home from work, woke me up to go get tacos, and we went to the mall until sundown. Being away from my psycho family is amazing. I could be so much more if I wasn't stuck living with my family, and that saddens me because I can't move out until I become something.

 

Get outta there! Your happiness is worth the sacrifice & work that it would take to move out. You ARE something, but you're not letting yourself BE.
"Get a flat and a magazine, get your body ahead and out of that scene." ~ Mark E Smith

 

Wait, was she upset because you brought a piece of grass inside or because you brought it in via the bottom of your shoe?

But, yeah, your mom sounds like she can be pretty tedious. I moved out from my parents on my 18th. Had to. It was a nightmare, My mother actually tried to sabotage my leaving in a pretty shitty manner. I was a pretty poor student and I was veering closely to failing 12th grade English. So, my mom tells me if I fail English, I can't attend summer school. I'd have to attend an entire 'nother year of high school to get the credit. Keep in mind that I so detested living under my parent's rule that I'd run away on three separate occasions at that point. Also. keep in mind that my 18th birthday fell almost exactly on what would have been the start of my 13th year of high school. Also, consider that I'd earned enough points grade-wise during the year to pass the class, but I was failed for not completing my senior project. My mother was a fucking mess and my dad was tacitly complicit. I literally almost fell over, and busted my skull open when I learned she intended to enforce her absurd rule.

So, long story short, I got the sam hell outta there and didn't speak to them for at least a couple of years after. I had to take a shitty fast food job and scrape by for a couple years, but it was so worth it I can't even convey how worth it was. A couple years after I moved out I took that summer school class. My mom works for the schools, so she got them to give me a diploma as opposed to a GED. This made literally no difference in my life, but it probably, in a a small way, soothed a conscience that surely must've been weighing on her,

We all make our choices, and different things have different value for different people, but getting out on your own can be a truly marvelous thing, even if the circumstances are less than ideal. Well, I don't actually know that you don't already know that (not sure if you've moved back), but, in case you've forgotten.

Not intended as a lecture on the value of "cutting the apron strings", really, just sharing my experience.

 

Moving out is a really difficult possibility for me because of both my mental (anxiety) and physical (migraines and insomnia) issues.
I had a pretty similar high school situation, @Odibex . I failed a few classes in my junior year of high school, failed them again in my senior year, and finally finished them in my "super senior" extra year after being medicated and put into a smaller classroom community.
Went to a four-year college where I met my long-time boyfriend and was on the right track, absolutely loving my independence, when I started to notice something odd. I was running once and I lost complete control of my body and collapsed mid-run twice, skinning my hands and knees. I didn't think much of it at the time, but later I started to become winded crossing campus and falling asleep in the middle of the day for hours at a time, and sleep-talking to anyone who tried to wake me for class. Turns out I had become anemic to the point where my iron was low, my hemoglobin was low, and my red blood cells varied in size.
I had to drop out of college and move back home. Fell into a deep depression for about half a year where I did absolutely nothing. I lost my $16,000 scholarship and finally took a minimum wage job at a frozen yogurt place. I was fired after three weeks because the manager hated me from Day 1... He didn't send me the right schedule when I was hired, so I didn't come on a day I was supposed to work. The boss then chastised him in front of all the employees at a team meeting, and he gave me this look... Basically knew I was fucked. He tried to tell me I didn't have a right to my federally-mandated 15 minute food break and then scheduled me to close shop with two newbies when I wasn't experienced enough yet to train them. It was a disaster. I was fired by text the next morning.
Got a job washing dogs for a groomer after that, paid on a per-dog basis. Made below minimum wage but it was enjoyable. I finally decided to go back to college 7 months later.
I went to the local community college and was doing great for a while until I tried taking English, which led to the discovery of my PTSD. (I've since tried taking English Lit three times, only to drop it due to nightmares) Familial problems mixed with school problems led to a diagnosis of "situational anxiety" (which is basically anxiety that can be traced to a source rather than generalized anxiety disorder which is just a part of you). Then for almost two years I thought I had intense allergy and sinus issues, when in fact it was migraines. Whoop dee doo! Either way I dropped so many classes due to my health issues that at one point they imposed a ban on me signing up for any more classes until I saw an advisor for guidance. Was really mad about that because I always saw an advisor first (how else could I find out which teachers aren't trash?) and every class I dropped was because of unforeseen circumstances.

Anyway. Early morning life story rant there.

I don't know how I can keep a job if I can randomly get a migraine in the middle of the day, without any warning. Nobody wants an employee that leaves in the middle of the day. My anxiety is also sometimes so bad that I feel like I don't want to be around people, because I'm afraid they'll be able to tell I'm anxious or upset.
My therapist said specifically that my anxiety will persist as long as I live with my family and I keep communicating with my sister. I'm kind of trapped regarding the first, and too stupid regarding the second. I keep giving her second, third, fiftieth chances.

Right now my only hope is that my boyfriend lands a better job (he makes approx $30,000 a year which isn't enough to live by here in CT where rent alone is approx $1,500/mo, plus he's saddled with student loan debt) and we can move out, and then I will be free of anxiety enough to start working from home on a daily basis.
Newtown, CT is so dirt cheap that we're hoping to move there.

Anyway... Back to sleep. Stupid insomnia.

 

I figured this was the was the case, just based on the things you'd previously said. But, yeah, to use a saying of Letterman's I wouldn't give your trouble's to a monkey on a rock. Wish I could offer some advice, but I haven't held a job since you were literally a toddler and my inability to deal with people has led me to completely self-isolate. At least you got your bf, and that seems to be going at least OK, based on the fact that he hasn't been on you hit list here like mom & sis. It's kind of a trope the hardships a true love can endure. I don't know much about that stuff, but there's probably something to it if it's a concept so widely known.

 

I remember driving through CT and wanting to hurl every time I saw the price of gas. Their seafood was nice, I guess. Stay strong @hellointerloper !

 

The gas here is SO overpriced that it really is vomit-inducing. Add the 6.75% (at least I think that's what it is?) sales tax on top of that, and you have one tough state to live in. It's really gorgeous here in autumn though, and I love the state parks. I think nature-wise, it's good for my mental health. Birds and stuff. We have a fox with mange that visits our yard some mornings, poor bugger.
I've spent a lot of time in my boyfriend's state of Delaware, and if I had to live there I would go batshit crazy... No hills, no trees in commercial areas, rows upon rows of clone-houses, everything is flat... Too... Flat...

I swear, somedays I feel like completely self-isolating too thanks to the shittiness of people. I always laugh and say if I won the lottery, that I would likely move away to someplace like Iceland and live as a hermit. Worst part is I'm pretty sure I mean it.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years now. We both see eye-to-eye on a lot of stuff. We hate it when people yell and scream at each other over petty shit, we prefer dogs over kids, we don't give a hoot about most of modern materialism (cars, houses, jewelry, etc)... We both dislike most people...
And don't get me wrong, I love my parents very much, but their way of dealing with issues in the family is impossible to deal with. The way they squabble is through low blows, cheap shots, a lot of yelling, and venting their frustrations with other family members by screaming at a different family member... And then they just completely forgive and forget and are watching TV together within an hour, like nothing happened. I can't live like that. I don't understand it, I don't get it. There are only so many "I'm sorry"s that you can take before you want the cause of a fight eliminated, not another apology.