An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread

Discussion in 'Whatever' started by toothaction, Aug 26, 2015.

  1. Purple Bat

    Purple Bat Addicted

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    On my voice mail after work this evening.
    Please keep in mind that I have the typical automated voice mail that goes something like this: "You have reached the voice mail box of (cuts in my voice) 'John,' Please leave a message after the beep."

     
  2. boon velvet

    boon velvet Post Pimp

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    Sorry about that @Purple Bat , sometimes when I'm really hungry, the keys blur.
     
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  3. hellointerloper

    hellointerloper Side Dealer

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    Okay, so this didn't happen to me, but to my mom.

    Background info... She was about to do a store run to buy everything my grandmother (dad's mom) needed in her new assisted living apartment. My grandmother has always been a narcissist and selfish person who has no talents/hobbies/interests besides materialism. Hilariously, she's also always thought my mom was too "low class" for her son. Now that she's frail, she has no choice but to depend on my mom for some things.

    M: And what about shampoo and body washes? What kind do you want?
    G: Hmmmmmm I don't know.
    M: They make all kinds of different soaps, floral, fruit...
    G: Uhhhh I don't know, you choose.
    M: Oh come on, don't you have a favorite smell? Maybe a favorite flower?
    G: I like the smell of money.

    Ah, you nasty old coot, you haven't changed one bit.
     
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  4. DarkellJoanahson

    DarkellJoanahson Fresh Meat

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    "And now you have these high school boys freeblasting into chicks thinking nothing of it"
    -A group discussion about sex education in the US, held inside a McDonald's
     
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  5. Purple Bat

    Purple Bat Addicted

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    I knew it!
     
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  6. gazpacho

    gazpacho Comment King

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
     
  7. TattooDougHardy

    TattooDougHardy Comment King

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    "Rowrrrr! FSSST!"

    It's rainy so I'm staying inside today and my cats are bored :lol:
     
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  8. rattanicus

    rattanicus S7 Royalty

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    "I don't watch Star Wars."
     
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  9. BrainDeadBrum

    BrainDeadBrum Toy Prince

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    "My brain is awake when I sleep"

    My co-workers amaze me sometimes.
     
  10. Waterbear

    Waterbear Comment King

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    Having lunch with a friend IN PUBLIC mind you.

    Me - Why do you look so concerned?

    Her - I don't really know anything about butt holes.

    Me - Umm. What?

    Her - Butt holes. I don't know how they work at all. They say when you die you poop. So does that mean your butt hole is flexed all the time and it stops flexing when you die? Am I flexing it right now? How do I even tell? Is it involuntary like my heart beating? It can't be though because I have to control it when I poop right? Oh God what if it's like blinking and when you think about it too much everything gets all messed up? I should flex just in case. If it even can flex. Can it?

    Me - Stop It.

    Her - Stop flexing?

    Me - No. Stop talking.
     
  11. Purple Bat

    Purple Bat Addicted

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    I missed this thread!
     
  12. Lixx

    Lixx Mr. Grumpy™

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    Me: "Interesting that lobster tails are being served at a DIY cookout in Belmont Plateau here in Fairmount Park?"
    Guy I was talking to: "Oh yeah I brought those, I did some dumpster diving today, lots of the food I bring is!"
    Me (slowly walking away and thankful I had not eaten anything but the chips I brought): "I think I need a second to process that and be sick"
     
  13. boon velvet

    boon velvet Post Pimp

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    @Lixx
    Dumpster lobster! That's a freegan's delight!





    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    No sentences spoken to me yet today, but I live in Georgia; I'm sure i'll hear something worthy of this thread.
     
  14. BrickBat

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    Urinals at work yesterday. Me and 2 other guys.
    Guy1: Did I ever tell you about our crazier days at Penn in the 70s?
    Guy2: Nope
    Guy1: One time me and a buddy got hammered and ended up in the autopsy area. We stole the penis off a cadaver, took it to an Eagles game at the Vet and threw it in a urinal.
    Guy2: ...
    Me: WTF
     
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  15. boon velvet

    boon velvet Post Pimp

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    "What's vagina in a box?"

    [​IMG]

    Can't really blame him.
     
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  16. FUREEK

    FUREEK Toy Prince

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    "When I got my black belt I practically slept in it for a whole week." -random dude at a juice bar
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2017
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  17. toothaction

    toothaction Team Tsubu Staff Member

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    "Oh, if you knew the butts I had consumed in my day, you'd definitely recommend I see a dietician."

    Actually a lift from PMsville, wholly sound in context, but as I've been chuckling over it for the couple of days I thought I'd share.
     
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  18. meanmistert

    meanmistert Line of Credit

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    @boon velvet
    Dr. Steve Brule is my favorite non-fictional character... dumpster shrimp is a classic!
    (all those cab legs made me thirsty.)

    Some recent and real quotes that have been slung at me:

    "That ladder is making me sneeze."
    and
    Regarding my prescription sunglasses: "Do them got medicine to 'em?"
     
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  19. toothaction

    toothaction Team Tsubu Staff Member

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    ...is a deeply magick phrase. Thank you so much for bringing it to our attention!

    Nice to see you, T.
     
  20. toothaction

    toothaction Team Tsubu Staff Member

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    "So, Bermit, only few people are so smart enough... tuh be able to... expand their brain far enough to do something like that."
     
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  21. toothaction

    toothaction Team Tsubu Staff Member

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    "You know also would be cool? A flat black Lamborghini with black rims!"
    - Father to his disinterested toddler.
     
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  22. boon velvet

    boon velvet Post Pimp

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
  23. useless toys

    useless toys Side Dealer

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    i know this doesn't fit in this thread and it's not the actual sentence but the order itself that made go wtf,

    "Let me get lox and butter on a pumpernickel bagel" :shock: :?
     
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  24. Waterbear

    Waterbear Comment King

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    Her - I thought the world was supposed to end on the 23rd?

    Me - You sound a little disappointed.

    Her - Eh. I feel like the world we live in now actually gives me a chance to make it to the end. With Trump and global warming and Korea and whatnot.

    Me - You want the world to end?

    Her - No not really but if it is gonna end it would be kind of cool to be there you know? Like surviving to the end of the world I mean. That's a pretty cool accomplishment right? Like beating a really hard video game or making it to the end of a really long really awful book. Plus if the whole world ended you wouldn't have to worry about the people you love or grieve for anyone at all because we'd all be dead together.

    Me - It sounds like you're starting a cult. Sign me up!
     
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  25. ungawa222

    ungawa222 Mini Boss

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    An Actual Sentence Spoken To (Or Near) Me Today Thread
    Look, I like what I like, alright?
    Don't knock it 'til you etc etc...

    Seriously tho I would order and eat that...
     
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